― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust is incredibly important for our survival as a society.
Prior to the printing press, word of mouth was the most
reliable method of communication.
Back before computers, and radios, before telephones and
newspapers, a person’s Character was important because that was the only way to
protect yourself, your community, your family.
To be a man of your word was to be everything.
The wealthy were protected and could say just about
anything; people would believe them, or forgive them because, don’t forget, the
common person thought the wealthy had been chosen by a god to be born into a
better life.
For the average person, however, it was important to be of
honorable character; to be consistently trustworthy. People were not able to
move to a new town, a new city, a new state, as easily as they do now. If you
did something to hurt someone, it would be found out sooner rather than later.
Your actions would disgrace your family. The wealthy had power and influence to
help them survive. The “regular” folk only had their character, their
reputation.
Our very survival, our
success, our independence, and our happiness depend on our ability to trust and
to be trusted.
Here is an interesting fact: A baker’s
dozen means 13. Back in the old days, when customers asked for a dozen rolls,
bakers would throw in an extra roll so customers would be surprised, delighted,
and spread the word. They felt they were getting a better value for their
money. The bakery owners were sending a message that the customer was special.
On the other side of the coin, if
a customer was ripped off, the customers would spread the word and run the
business out of town. They didn’t take too kindly to swindlers.
Word of mouth was important. Personal
communication was one of the most powerful weapons prior to the inventions of newspapers
and radio. It was a way to protect yourself and your community. But the person telling the story had to be
credible, had to be believable, had to be trustworthy, which was one reason why
people tried to stay honest and do the “right” thing.
To be part of a community was
very important back then. There was no online community to turn to for support.
If you lied, cheated, or hurt someone else, talk spread fast. If you were a
cheater…say you slept with your best friend’s wife…well, you couldn’t be
trusted (neither could she!) and in a small community when life was already
difficult enough fighting disease, the elements of nature, and the constant
threat of invaders, wasting time on drama was…well, wasting time.
The community would shun that
person (or people) or actually run them straight out of town. Reason often
prevailed over emotion back then. Sure, your husband might not be as handsome
as that new guy who just rode in a white horse, but your husband is a good
father, works hard, and keeps your feet warm at night. The new guy might make
you feel all fluttery and special, but for how long, really? Was it worth
pissing off everyone in the community? Reason often prevailed over emotion,
over personal (temporary) gratification, for the simple sake of survival. If
you’ve ever been lied to or cheated on, you know how doubt can ruin a
relationship. Every time your partner is late, a little niggling doubt rears
its head, and it will eventually erode your relationship. It is a long,
difficult road to climb once trust has been lost. Drama takes away our focus,
distrust corrodes our confidence, zaps our energy and distracts us from pursing
our dreams, our plans…for simply getting things done.
Another interesting fact:
When the first immigrants
arrived in New York City they would have a small suitcase, family connections,
and their character (reputation).
The immigrants’ who were
already established in America, who had businesses, knew that if Anthony
Delgado had arrived from Sicily, came looking for a job at the restaurant that
Joseph Martelli owned, and the head cook of the restaurant said to Mr. Martelli,
“I can vouch for Anthony Delgado, I know his family. He’s from good stock. He’s
a good guy.” Well, that word meant everything. There were no resumes back in
those days. No employment contracts. There was only your character. Did he come
from a good family? Was he trustworthy? Was his family trustworthy? If he came
from a family of drunks who couldn’t keep a job – the cook wouldn’t vouch for
him, because then the cook would be afraid if the kid messed up, Mr. Martelli
wouldn’t be able to trust the cook any longer! Which is often why parents warn
kids about the friends they hang around with. You will be judged (and
influenced!) by the company you keep.
People settled in communities
according to their nationalities. Because in a new world they didn’t understand
yet, the one thing they did understand was their own culture. In a new world,
it helped to have comfort – it was a refuge from the unknown. It gave people a
sense of security; one less thing to worry about.
The Irish, the Italian, the
German, the Polish, and so forth. Why? Because of trust.
Polish people knew how to make
pierogies, and what traditions were important to them. German people had their
special food and traditions. And so forth in each culture. Just like in a
family situation…you might hate your brother at times and call him names, but
if an outsider dare make fun of him, you would jump to your brother’s defense.
And so it was the same situation for those who came to America.
