Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.”
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
As a means of claiming power, experts and specialists routinely designate people “at risk,” or suffering from a “stress disorder” and a multitude of other random conditions that require treatment and prevention.
This creates many major benefits – not just for the medical system which is making money and feeling good about themselves – but also for the ‘victim’ of the disease; it gives the victim a reason to feel bad, to seek sympathy, to excuse anxiety, poor performance, live in a land of irresponsibility, excuses, and attention.
I do believe there are real victims – but a real victim often does not wish to have attention – indeed, wishes the circumstances that made him/her the victim never happened. A real victim tries to overcome his problems – you will rarely see him posting on facebook about them – unlike those suffering from victim delusion; where there is some sort of payoff (emotionally, financially ) for embracing the ‘woe is me’ status.
Some people play the victim role discreetly.
Often times, the people who seem the strongest; always there for you and everyone else, are often times so strong for you because they are too fearful to face their own challenges and demons.
They use the victim roll as reasons why they gain weight or can’t lose weight. Why they can’t find a better job (or a different job).
Why they can’t find a partner to share their life with.
They take a break-up devastatingly for years. Or use that as an excuse not to get back in the water.
“There might be a dangerous shark like my last boyfriend!”
Yes, I agree. But it depends on where you are swimming. You don’t find sharks if you’re in pool.
I don’t believe everyone needs to have ‘someone’ in order to be happy. I see many single people and I think they are genuinely very happy!
But the difference between happy single and sad single is that those who are ‘sad’ single usually are boo-hooing they can’t ‘find anyone good’ or giving you reasons why they want to be in a relationship, they just can’t.
“To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
I know many men who have been in the military and in police units and have been involved in terrifying situations and they rarely speak of it. Or if they do, they do so not to say, “poor me” – but to say, “I’m grateful I’m here.” “I miss those who are gone.” “This is a reason we need to change…”
But yet, there are some people who can’t let go of a minor incident that happened years prior.
He’s that person who, years and years after the incident, always manages to somehow, no matter what we you are talking about, it loops back to that incident.
His situation is quite trivial compared to many others, yet he refuses to let it go. He believes he has PTSD because, unfortunately, a psychologist suggested he did, and society has embraced the PTSD diagnosis as the new “disease” of the decade.
That is not to say that PTSD is not real – but unfortunately, some people claim they have PTSD after going through minor events. Also, PTSD gives you the label you are emotionally unstable. War is difficult. Being a cop or firefighter or paramedic is difficult. But part of the ‘badge of honor’ is being a strong person and understanding that death and tragedy are as much a part of life as joy.
When I watched the movie American Sniper about Chris Kyle – three things resonated with me.
1) If you’re given a talent or skill – use it. There is no shame in dedicating yourself, your life, to that talent. If you find you are happiest doing what you do – should you worry that you won’t find a partner? No. I think society is a bit to blame for this. You do not need a partner for life to be fulfilling. And if you choose to marry a person with talent or who wants to dedicate their life to something noble; understand that. I know so many wives who complain their husband is never home – but they are more than happy to spend his money.
2) Don’t apologize for your talent. Chris Kyle was an excellent marksman. Because he was in the military, which sometimes gets a bad rap from almost every side (don’t forget the military created America, freed slaves, saved Jews, and is fighting terrorism).
3) Don’t allow society to tell you that you’re crazy. When Kyle came back from his tours, he was having a difficult time adjusting to life. WHICH WAS NORMAL. If you take a military guy, who woke up every day with a great purpose (to defend freedom!), then put him back in ‘regular’ life – where there is no schedule dictated for him, no hard and fast rules; it’s going to feel uncomfortable. Now add a society made up of academic types and media types who believe “war is bad” (but we’ll take the benefits of freedom while someone else fights for it!) and that soldiers must not be okay after they return back home. From the movie portrayal, it felt like Kyle’s wife unfortunately, bought into the society stigmata of soldiers. I don’t know her, and from interviews I’ve seen her do, I believe she has a huge heart and suffered a tragic loss (and ironically, she is not acting like a victim, but more like a warrior!) and truly thought she was caring for her husband when she worried about him having PTSD (which he then internalized as: well, society says I must be having a hard time, my family think I’m having a hard time…if everyone thinks I’m having a hard time, they must be right!).
This is one of the most brilliant explanations on PTSD by Marine General “Mad Dog” Jim Mattis.
The appropriately nicknamed Mad Dog took aim at a Post-Traumatic Stress in a speech at San Francisco's Salute to Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans in April of 2014.
"You've been told that you're broken," said Mattis, "That you're damaged goods" and should be labeled victims of two unjust and poorly executed wars. The truth, instead, is that we are the only folks with the skills, determination, and values to ensure American dominance in this chaotic world. Our nation has a "disease orientation" toward combat stress. In America, victimhood is exalted. The problem is, eventually, we start believing it. We start seeing ourselves as broken. We buy into the myth.
The alternative is something so obvious that it is pathetic we don't talk about it more. There is also Post-Traumatic Growth. You come back from war stronger and more sure of who you are."
The labeling of veterans as broken, is job security for many predators in the civilian world.
If the larger part of society views the lions of America, the men and women with the most courage, as ‘crazy’ – who would possibly want to join the military and protect our nation?
Life – it will suck, people.
Life is full of challenges – and that is what makes life beautiful. Meeting the obstacles with strength and determination. Death – part of life. You grieve and then you move on because life is short.
But the self-absorption of a "martyr" or a victim and - as George Orwell puts it: “the penchant to make dragons out of mice” can also be found in manipulators because the person selling the victim/martyr affliction knows
1) it becomes an excuse for laziness (can’t exercise – can’t work, can’t can’t can’t)
2) people pay attention to “poor so and so” and are so afraid to ‘offend’ a VICTIM that they remain silent which only enables and emboldens them to maintain Victim Status.
Part of our empathy for victims and the reason we are so compassionate is because we hope if we were ever to become a victim, we would want someone to help us. Call it karma, call it the “Golden Rule” – when we observe a car accident, we are partly attracted to the destruction because we think, “Well, at least it’s not me.”
If 3 out of 10 people get into car accidents and we pass one, we are quietly relived that because it happened to someone else, we have less chance of being involved in an accident.
In the early days of America – people refused to BE victims. Fall down seven times, get up 8. The birth of America was based on the idea that anything is possible – anyone can succeed with determination and hard work, creative ideas, and an optimistic attitude.
Education, medicine, marketing, opinion science, media - all have contributed to elevating the idea of victim, that we aren’t responsible for our problems, and we can’t solve them without some sort of intervention.
The failure of programs to alleviate suffering is not only an acceptable outcome but in many ways the preferred one! Sometimes people in the “helping professions,” (medicine, opinion science, addictions, etc) acquire a vested interest in the study, management, and prolongation—as opposed to the solution and resulting disappearance—of sufferers’ problems. This is why so many programs initiated to conquer a problem end up, instead, adding to it, building sprawling factories, office buildings, research centers, where the helpers and the helped become endlessly, increasingly co-dependent. Even where there are no material benefits to addressing, without ever reducing, other people’s suffering, there are emotional benefits for those who regard their own compassion as the central virtue that makes them good, decent, and admirable people—people whose ‘sensitivity’ readily distinguishes them from mean-spirited evil people.
“Pity is about how deeply I can feel,” wrote the late political theorist Jean Bethke Elshtain. “And in order to feel this way, to experience the rush of my own pious reaction, I need victims the way an addict needs drugs.”
The Victim Affliction works not only for the ‘everyday’ person, it’s also used as an excuse for selling people on politicians/celebrities/sports stars –
Consider this notorious “Victim” as described by a popular author:
“A pitiful, puppy dog expression, the face of a man suffering under intolerable wrongs. He views himself as the victim of oppression - He is the martyr, the victim and much like Christ was crucified and suffered unjustly, he gives the appearance to others that he is like the Greek Titan, Prometheus, chained to a rock. A self-sacrificing hero fighting single-handed against all odds. If he were killing a mouse he would know how to make it seem like a dragon. He makes the people believe that he is fighting against destiny, that he can’t win, and yet that he somehow deserves to.” –
The popular author was George Orwell and he was talking about Adolph Hitler. Of course, now, we know the evil Hitler unleashed, but at the time, people loved Hitler. He promised them salvation. He gave the illusion of being unjustly oppressed by the universe, by the Jews (people need a villain to go after) - and Hitler appealed to peoples emotion (sense of compassion) and his victim status to manipulate seemingly intelligent, bright, people to commit horrible crimes and murder on children, women, men.
I urge you when you watch “leaders” or people who want to lead – are they making dragons out of mice? Are they portraying themselves as victims or as warriors? Do they constantly make excuses for troubles or problems, do they victimize themselves or others? A true leader will encourage optimistic, creative solutions and encourage determination and will to overcome obstacles with character and confidence.
Consider this speech Michelle Obama gave vs the video clip from the movie Runaway Slave which seeks to empower black people and expose how culture/society government is continuing to victimize and keep black people dependent.
Runaway Slave the movie:
Aaron Alexis was responsible for killing several people at a Navy Ship Yard in Washington DC in 2013. He was a homegrown terrorist: he was the political and psychological creation of a psychiatric/political establishment committed to making excuses at all costs.
Media, politicians, celebrities continue to insist we outlaw guns. But outlawing guns won’t do anything to alter the idea that esteemed psychiatric professionals are pushing; that none of us are responsible for managing our emotions. We are being sent the message we are unable to think independently, solve our problems, and create an incredible life without ‘expert’ help.
There was a reason we were given a brain and a conscious. It's time to start using both.
