What’s Your Status, Gladys?
“Our greatest
pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our
emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.” Eric
Hoffer
Though we desire to figure out why we are personally
significant, we often spend more time trying to prove to others that we are
significant by telling them (posting pictures of ourselves on social media)
instead of taking action that will prove to ourselves (because in the long run,
if you don’t believe you are significant, no one else will either).
There are 6 Basic Fears.
Death
2 Disease
3 Dependency
4 Insignificance
(what if my life has no meaning?)
5 Isolation
(what if I end up all alone? What if no one loves me)
6 Poverty
Most of those fears have to do with status in the community.
The more “status” you have, the more influence you have, and the more influence
you have, the better your chance of survival.
We spend our life torn between wanting to belong and wanting
to follow our own path. Our happiness is either encouraged by optimistic
leaders (parents, teachers, etc) or hijacked
by negative people who seek power in order to control people . These negative people
are often people who we’ve been taught to respect, admire, and believe in, but in reality, when we look beneath the
surface, many of them are exploiters. I
call them fear prophets or superior illusionists (though usually they are the
same)– because they use fear to make money.
Some people may not even realize they are exploiters because in attempt to “fit in” they mirror and
mimic the leaders of the group they most admire, or desire to belong to. Just
as I was unaware of the difference between significance and superiority, I think
many exploiters are unaware also and mistake superiority as a path to
helpfulness.
If one man offers you
democracy and another offers you a bag of grain, at what stage of starvation
will you prefer the grain to the vote?
~Bertrand Russell
True exploiters (and believe me, there are a ton of them in
every line of work) know the key to power is to play to our fears: promise us a better life, an easier life, a safer life. They also slowly and
subtlety, erode our character (confidence and courage) by making us feel bad
about ourselves; that we aren’t good enough – that we need them in order to
survive. They take away our independence and dreams using nine rules that
destruct & corrupt our character, confidence, and courage.
These exploiters chip away at our backbones and replace them
with wishbones. They sell salvation in order to distract, divide, and
disempower us.
It’s important to be aware of basic laws of human nature
(that have stood the test of time) to understand how the Rules of Destruction operate.
Kind of like driving a car – you need to have a basic knowledge of the parts
(the engine and fuel) that make the car run...
The basic laws of human nature: Survival, Status,
Significance, and Superiority.
Survival:
Here’s the bottom line – if you were all alone on an island,
the only thing you’d need to survive would be food and shelter. The very
basics. Hopefully you’ll have access to some bacon, a Keurig coffee maker, and
wine.
To survive in a community, you need food, and shelter, but
now, since there are other people with you, in order to survive, it would be
wise to belong to a group because you will be protected by the group should
there be a threat. The larger the group you belong to, the more chances of
survival – because you have more security. If someone were to attack your
community, the more people there are to fight, the better chance for survival.
It sounds simple, and it is, but belonging to a group is
where things start to get a bit challenging.
The first goal in life is simply survival. The physical task
of breathing, a beating heart and functioning brain.
When we are sick or ill, we can’t concentrate on anything
else but trying to get better. Think of the times you’ve been sick and have
been confined to bed, too sick to read or watch TV.
Think of the times you’ve had a medical problem; you search
the internet to try and figure out why your wrist hurts for no reason, or why
you get headaches when you eat sugar. When you are sick, the only thing you can
concentrate on is getting better. You only have one purpose.
The second rule of survival (if you live in a community, which
the majority of us do) is your status.
Status is an important evolutionary role in human behavior.
It helps us adapt, to fit in, and be accepted by others. This has aided us in
our survival for many thousands of years, and still does today.
In the past, the stronger you were, the better chance you
had of survival. In ancient history, physical strength and bravery were
slightly valued over intelligence.
(Of course, today, most of us understand the importance of
brain and brawn and having a balance
of both is the key for best chance at success).
Yes, belonging to a large group will protect you – but even
then, only the most valued will be
protected.
Think about it this way…in a small group, people know each
other, so they protect each other. The larger the group becomes, the less
people know each other. This is why, especially in large cities, you find all
sorts of groups, clubs. It’s a way to belong to a smaller group and feel you
matter. The larger the group, the harder it is to ‘stand out.’
Power Struggle: There are basically two groups in life, and
we often get caught, unknowingly between them. The Optimist (Those striving for
Significance) and the Pessimist (Those striving for Superiority).
In the Greek language, the word significant Greek means good/honorable/true.
The optimists – this group believes anything is possible
with hard work and dedication. They believe people are basically good.
Optimists operate on confidence and courage. Optimists believe that people can work together, and encourage
people to follow their own, individual, dreams as long as it doesn’t interfere
with the rights and safety of other people . Optimists strive for significance.
The Pessimist – this group believes people are basically
born bad and need to be controlled.
Pessimists feel they are superior and therefore, should keep the others
in line. They operate on corruption and
fear.
They push the idea that we were all born evil…men were born
with a desire to do harm. They believe they know better, and lack the courage
to be significant – so they substitute superiority. They don’t believe in
themselves so they do things to harm themselves; excessive drinking, eating,
sex, drugs, - all things that, though they make it seem like they are having
‘fun’ – causes them to distrust other people, distrust themselves, and lead, ultimately,
to self-loathing and self-hatred.
From everything I’ve experienced in life, I do not believe
that all people are born evil (a few are, but the majority are not). Just look at Craigslist: Yes, there are a few
incidents of crime that happens on Craigslist, but it grew and became
successful because people are naturally inclined to independent exchange and to
get along, to work together. To be
Significant.
The Significant versus The Superior.
Significance (The Optimist) has to do with dependability of
character, confidence, and courage.
In the Greek vocabulary, Character means consistent virtue
(goodness/honesty). Today, that meaning has been lost. Today, when people say
the word “character” they are referring to an actor in a movie, or a person in
a book. I realized I’d always seemed to take one step ahead and two steps back,
and much of it was because I lacked consistency. I would say one thing, do
another. I wanted to belong but I wanted to be my unique quirky self.
We all have one thing in common: We want to be significant.
We want to matter. Maybe not to the world, but to someone. We want to know that
our struggles in life have meaning. Though we want to belong to a group, we
also want to have an independent identity. Nothing gives as much pleasure,
confidence and courage as be recognized for a talent, or hard work toward a
personal goal. And even if no one officially recognizes it but you – you know
all the work you put into something, the challenges you faced; if no else
recognizes this but you, it should be enough – because one of the secrets to
happiness is it’s not about proving to others you are valuable, it’s about
proving that to yourself. (It is nice to be appreciated though. The smallest
word of appreciation goes a-long way. . .)
Those striving for
significance have optimism, character, wisdom, confidence, courage. They know
the value of independence, purpose, and willpower. The significant have genuine
happiness, because whatever happens, they know they control their own attitude.
Significance comes from courage to think and act
independently - individual purpose (Independence is key to happiness) to speak,
to pursue individual dreams.
Significant people realize the value of self control (discipline, manage) Harmony.
(balance, awareness, consistency, control) A significant person believes she’s
worthy. The significant person realizes
the importance of honesty and being true to your word.
The key to survival in
a free society is trust.
You can only trust a person who is genuine; a person who
does what he says he is going to do.
A significant person
realizes life is about man’s continuous improvement rather than his perfection.
He believes in encouraging each individual to realize his potential, rather
than force everyone to submit to group ideals.
Superiority (the Pessimist) has to do with false façade –
saying one thing and doing another, lack of self-esteem. The superior lack
courage, confidence, character and ultimately, happiness, which causes them to be
in a constant state of frustration and/or quiet anger they most likely are in
denial of, but it’s visible in their actions if you know what to look for. Superiority
is the mark of a coward: eager to fit in, lacks the bravery to follow his own
path. Makes excuses. Says one thing but does another. A superior person spends
her time proving trying to convince people she is worthy.
The more Superior they act – the less confident they become
– the more dependent on illusion and delusion.
They purchase influence. They believe in limits for most
others and possibilities for a select few. The Superior’s goal ? Greatness—in
other people’s eyes. Fame, admiration, envy—all that comes from others. How he appears are his inspirations and his primary
anxiety.
It seems an easy choice; to strive for significance –why
would anyone not choose self –confidence and independence? It’s because throughout
history, we’ve been conditioned to doubt our ability – and we’ve bought into
the messages and people that have graciously (sarcasm) offered to save us from
the things we fear the most.
